nuh-nuh-nuh-notorious

Derrick Rose in the clutch > LeBron James in the clutch

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 15:51:05 -0500

Derrick Rose in the clutch > LeBron James in the clutch

So much hair. So little talent.

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 10:34:37 -0500

So much hair. So little talent.

“I like candlelight dinners and Friday night trolls along...

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 12:40:09 -0500

“I like candlelight dinners and Friday night trolls along the hardwood.” -Greg Monroe, my new favorite player…or at least Piston

“In the future, one can swat away an egregious goaltend if...

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 13:02:48 -0500

“In the future, one can swat away an egregious goaltend if spiked into the fifth row.” -Pamela McGee, mother of JaVale McGee, aka The Future of the NBA

LeBron James Prefers His Meat Pre-cut

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:59:15 -0500

LeBron James Prefers His Meat Pre-cut:

Oh, and apple martinis. THE KING!

Take this, haters.

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:26:37 -0500

Take this, haters.

Other than the whole you-forget-Derrick-Rose-thing…these...

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 12:53:58 -0500

Other than the whole you-forget-Derrick-Rose-thing…these are pretty badass.

That’s levitation, holmes. I mean Faried. Coaching tip for...

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 10:00:57 -0500

That’s levitation, holmes. I mean Faried. Coaching tip for Kenneth: follow Rubio’s belly, not those mysterious eyes. (via @LeighEllis)

Because imitation is the highest form of flattery, the Cleveland...

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 14:09:03 -0500

Because imitation is the highest form of flattery, the Cleveland Cavaliers took a page out of the Chicago Bulls playbook - not a basketball play, the Cavs lack talent to do that - and created a holiday video for their fans on Valentine’s Day to the tune of “My Girl.”

What the Cavs lack in basketball skills, they lack equally behind the mic. Boobie Gibson sounds like a sick Motown vocalist, but his voice doesn’t. Tristan Thompson has me concerned for the state of Canadian music. And Samardo Samuels…FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE STOP.

Kyrie Irving? Actually not that bad. If this basketball thing doesn’t work out, he could have a future as Usher’s backup singer. We know he’s got the spin move down.

Oh, and Semih Erden…thank you for being you.

Audio

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 16:13:27 -0500

After The Party It's The After-Party...

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 22:25:26 -0500

10:30 am and my head was still pounding, my legs still aching.

Amazingly, this had nothing to do with Jeremy Lin.

There aren’t many advantages to being single on Valentine’s Day. But I found one last night when a friend invited me to a fashion show after-party she was covering in Chinatown. Whatever the party lacked in Linsanity was surely made up for in sexuality. Sex was pretty much everywhere at the aptly-titled “Colette Sex Party.”

On the mirrors. On the wallpaper. On the dance floor. Not actual sex, mind you. That would be weird. But there were illustrations of the female anatomy on pieces of reflective glass and renderings of women skilled in the art of kama sutra adorning the walls.

The music was hip. The people were hipper. Any doubts about the event’s “cool” dissipated in the time it took a photographer to roll his Camel Lights into his t-shirt sleeve.

It was a who’s who of fashionistas – not that I knew any of them. I met one model who – other than being tall, blonde and attractive – said she enjoyed attending parties for the interesting conversations. That sounds about right.

But something was missing. Sure, the vodka grapefruits were delicious. The fog machine added intrigue. But I wanted the kind of after-party R. Kelly rhymes about.

That’s when we walked up a set of stairs to find the dance floor. Boom.

If you ever have an opportunity to enjoy the stylistic samplings of two ladies behind the turntables rocking shoo bop songs like “Why Do Fools Fall in Love?” I’d highly recommend it. Oh, and the scantily clad go-go dancer wasn’t a bad touch.

The only thing better than watching the scene from a balcony was participating in the mayhem – of which there was plenty. We danced, we sang, I may or may not have sweat through my shirt.

I couldn’t have felt more out of place. And I couldn’t have had a better time.

Until this morning.

Amazing.

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 15:13:33 -0500

Amazing.

Acapella, check. Ode to a favorite childhood television show,...

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 20:13:00 -0500

Acapella, check. Ode to a favorite childhood television show, check. My new favorite Montenegrin NBA center, check. Kudos, Minnesota Timberwolves. Where is Nikola Pekovic? He’s on my fantasy team…eyeing that trap and putting that double trouble in jail. (video via PBT)

I have three days to find a valentine. And when I do, she will...

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 14:56:19 -0500

I have three days to find a valentine. And when I do, she will be lucky enough to receive this. Get in line, ladies. Just try saying “no” to Tony Allen’s big face. And remember, if you do refuse, I Tony will rise and grind my his way to an affirmative answer.

Why I Won't Get Swept Up In 'Linsanity'...Yet

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 12:44:53 -0500

Here’s the great thing about New York: there’s always a next story.

Like the time their football team won a Super Bowl, only to have its headlines replaced within days by the feel-good story of this ridiculous NBA season.

Move over Jay-Z. Jeremy Lin runs New York.

Since being called up from the D-league, the Asian-American Harvard graduate has posted three consecutive impressive stat lines as a New York Knick. Over that span, he has averaged 25 points and 8 assists. He has also averaged 78 blog posts and 23,201 tweets per day – and counting.

And hundreds of puns.

New Yorkers are going linsane over his lincredible week. Whatever skills or experience he may lack has been combatted with linception – or the ability to make an opponent believe what Lin wants you to believe.

What’s not to like?

Lin’s a free-wheeling, blue tongue-wagging point guard phenomenon. He’s crossed up John Wall, dunked on the entire Washington Wizards team, and made Steve Novak trend worldwide. He sleeps on his brother’s couch. And he’s not named Toney Douglas or Mike Bibby.

He’s fun to watch and, according to teammates, fun to play with.

“He’s what we needed, the whole time,” teammate Jared Jeffries told the New York Times.

Having said that, “Linsanity” may be short-lived.

Those three teams Lin excelled against – New Jersey, Utah and Washington – all rank in the bottom 10 in the NBA in defensive efficiency. Zach Lowe goes into greater detail about his opponent’s defensive ineptitudes. He shoots nine percent from behind the arc. He’s yet to have the privilege of playing alongside ball-stoppers Carmelo Anthony and Amar’e Stoudemire. Plus his minutes will surely decrease when former point guard savior, Baron Davis, finally returns from injury.

I don’t want to belittle his accomplishments, because what he has done in his first meaningful minutes as a Knick is extremely impressive. But I couldn’t help but recall a similar situation in which I ignored reason for a new sports hero.

Because Jeremy Lin may very well be the next Matt Murton.

Who? Exactly.

Murton was my favorite Chicago Cub, and I wasn’t alone. The up-and-coming outfielder averaged .321 and hit seven home runs in 51 games during his first season in the majors. The red-headed 23-year-old was the talk of town. His jersey flew off the shelves. Ladies traveled in droves to Wrigley Field adorned with “Matt, will you marry me?” signs. I freaked out when my friend caught a Murton foul ball.

And it was all downhill from there.

His first full season saw his average drop below .300 and to .280 the season after that. By his third full season he was dealt out of Chicago, and within two years he was out of the big leagues.

To be fair, would Knicks fans readily accept a single linspiring season? Absolutely. And to be fair, this comparison could make absolutely no sense.

All I ask is that overzealous Knicks fans give the kid more time, see what happens when teams finally gameplan for him, and let him face a difficult opponent, before labeling him the second coming and inevitably brawling over a $55 replica jersey. Then again, this is the same crowd that went crazy for the addition of Eddy Curry…

But, as they say, that’s why they play the game. Meaning Lin has the opportunity to shut me up and add to his lore. And it begins tonight, in his toughest test yet, against the Los Angeles Lakers and a certain someone yet to be swept up in “Linsanity.”

“I don’t even know what he’s done, like I have no idea what you guys are talking about,” Kobe Bryant said Thursday night. “I’ll take a look at it tonight, though.”

Yes he will. As will I and the band of Merry Linsters.

So Will Ferrell announced the starting lineups of last...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 10:44:25 -0500

So Will Ferrell announced the starting lineups of last night’s Bulls/Hornets game. It was, in a word, CLASSIC. To those of you who said Emeka Okafor and I share nothing in common…LIES. I, too, minored in love. That’s right, ladies.

Ladies and gentlemen, fans of your 2011-12 Washington Wizards!

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:51:05 -0500

Ladies and gentlemen, fans of your 2011-12 Washington Wizards!

No, I didn’t win the VIP ticket to see Jay-Z. Some girl...

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 09:54:46 -0500

No, I didn’t win the VIP ticket to see Jay-Z. Some girl named Catilin did. Apparently the people of Carnegie Hall thought her name was so much cooler than mine. BUT AT LEAST I HAVE THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO. Oh, and congrats Catilin. Hope you enjoyed it.

Growing Up Cowboy In A Giant World

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 09:45:00 -0500

When the NFL playoffs began, I made one simple wish: anybody but the Giants.

Well, in case you hadn’t heard, the New York Football Giants are your 2011-12 Super Bowl Champions.

Of course, we were inches away from me never having to make this grand proclamation. All I needed was Tony Romo to hit a wide-open Miles Austin in week 16 and this never would have happened. Eli Manning would have been sitting on his couch when M.I.A. flicked off the world.

But you know how the story goes. Romo overthrew Austin. The Giants roared back and never looked back. And my Dallas Cowboys were left to stuffing their faces with nachos and wings as Ahmad Bradshaw backed that thing up into the endzone.

So much for avoiding the inevitable annoyance that comes with seeing your team’s bitter rival hoist a second trophy in five years, the same time frame in which the Cowboys have notched just a single playoff victory.

The game of football – cliché alert – is a game of inches. So is walking through midtown Manhattan the day of the celebration parade.

Moving to New York has been thrilling. That wasn’t.

Ticker tape. Posters. Tees on tees on tees. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Every corner I turned, that awful red, white and blue met my crosshairs. Did that come out right? Yes, yes it did.

But I had no choice. When an interview two-a-day is on the agenda, facing your fears trumps passing up job opportunities (see, mom, I am growing up). But let me tell you, fears were faced.

And in very un-Cowboys like fashion, I shook off the pressure. I gave up my seat for a couple of children adorned in Manning jerseys. I gave respect to the guy in a Jason Sehorn jersey. I controlled the urge to punt a fumbled football in the streets – it would only be apropos a Giants fan recover it anyway.

Patience. It’s a virtue. And a necessity for not finding yourself laid out on the concrete at 47^th and fifth.

See, I’m getting there. Even if the Cowboys never will.

It’s been a much-discussed topic in the Windy City: what...

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 16:35:12 -0500

It’s been a much-discussed topic in the Windy City: what happened to Joakim Noah? Where’d the brash Bulls center go?

Noah revealed the secret earlier this week when he spoke of his difficulty living up to the expectations of his lucrative contract:

“Yeah, no question, I thought about that,” Noah told K.C. Johnson of the Chicago Tribune. “Sometimes you feel like because you’re given so much money you’re expected to do things. That’s not the right mentality to have as a player.”

“I have to play my game. I have to have fun out there. If I don’t I’m not the same player.”

Well wouldn’t you know it…Noah’s back to playing his game. He recently recorded five consecutive double-doubles and he’s back to annoying opponents on a nightly basis with his high energy and voluminous shrieks.

But one thing was missing…until Saturday night.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: THE GUN SHOW!

If only Brad Miller could have been there to participate. I miss Brad Miller.